December 14, 2016December 14, 2016 thirstythespian

Local clubbin’ man can’t stop pumping fist

December 6, 2016 thirstythespian

Man “fudging the truth” on first date can’t seem to figure out the right things to lie about

December 2, 2016December 2, 2016 thirstythespian

Man stopped by “literally every goddamn fucking stoplight” of evening commute becoming suddenly hyper-aware, critical of life decisions

November 9, 2016 thirstythespian

Son of local man who battered fellow voter insists father’s “heart is in the right place”

October 20, 2016October 21, 2016 thirstythespian

Local Man, Donald J., invents new handy appliance: ISIS VAC

October 16, 2016October 16, 2016 thirstythespian

Father more pleased with how good his tie job is than how son looks

October 1, 2016 thirstythespian

Area man mocked by waiting staff, fellow customers, passers-by for dining in restaurant alone

September 23, 2016 thirstythespian

Some fucking asshole in traffic has brights on

September 17, 2016September 17, 2016 thirstythespian

Local eavesdropper doesn’t get whole story, inadvertently “jumps gun”

September 3, 2016September 3, 2016 thirstythespian

Overzealous security guard tackles coworker with transformative haircut, is fired