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Author: thirstythespian

The Thirsty Thespian is a satirical news outlet for film, music, and local events. Our mission is to provide trusted commentary on matters of the mundane and insane, discussion of the latest current events in the big world of entertainment to confirmation of the gossip one hears in small-town coffee shops. Our thousands of staff writers from all corners of the globe, educated at some of the finest journalism schools, are eager to share their poignant criticisms with the clever masses.
May 21, 2023May 21, 2023thirstythespian

Recently hired salesman Jared Leto will send you dead rat for “15 minutes of your time”

April 14, 2023April 14, 2023thirstythespian

Axl Rose fired from job as guide for Magic Kingdom’s Jungle Cruise Tours after sexually harassing, frightening passengers

April 14, 2023April 14, 2023thirstythespian

Employer review site Glassdoor launches spin-off brand for exotic dancers, escorts

April 14, 2023April 14, 2023thirstythespian

Welcoming party host Axl Rose tells game night guests, “We’ve got fun and games!”

April 14, 2023April 14, 2023thirstythespian

Motorcyclist excommunicated from Hells Angels for gleefully waving at cagers, scooters 

April 14, 2023April 14, 2023thirstythespian

Rolling Stone: “This song’s about a fart!”

February 11, 2023February 11, 2023thirstythespian

AI Robotics Startup “RobotReplace” to unveil robots that twiddle thumbs, commit hate crimes, and more 

December 29, 2022December 29, 2022thirstythespian

Area recruiter convinced 5,000 men at different companies in unrelated roles must be same John Smith

August 18, 2022August 18, 2022thirstythespian

Melodic metalcore band leader of The Ghost Inside abruptly disbands group to start toaster business

August 17, 2022August 17, 2022thirstythespian

Outlaw motorcycle club walks back “nomad” charter policy, leading to intense standoff, fire fight

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