Today marks the 100 year anniversary of the esteemed satire news and entertainment site’s involvement in the business of quality media coverage.
Founder, Shelucas Margask, who shares a birthday with the company, celebrated his 125th year and 100-year business success with fans and loved ones over cake and black coffee, a drink he has repeatedly attributed to his incredible longevity:
“It puts hair on your ass and a shine in your soul!” He mumbled, near illegible, as current owners Mick Montage and Cat Fitzpatrick argued over estranged colleague Crazy Dave’s future involvement in the organization.
Regardless of the daily hurdles and current politics in its ranks, The Thirsty Thespian staff plans to commemorate the day with a throwback to its earliest post, a re-imagining of the first Academy Award celebration where The Revenant stars Bear and Leonardo DiCaprio as well as Harry Potter star Emma Watson will perform a grotesque interpretation of Watson’s upcoming live-action Disney film Beauty and the Beast. The performance, which will apparently involve Bear in the role of Beast, is already raising numerous eyebrows among top TTT executives, especially given that the event’s conceptual origins lie, according to Mick Montage, with the “psychotic and currently-at-large” local news editor Crazy Dave.
The performance will occur this evening after Shelucas Margask’s nap time, which has been known to slip into near-coma lengths. President Elect Donald Trump is said to make an appearance to approve The Thirsty Thespian as the first Non-Fake News Outlet in America.