Las Vegas, NV – A local Donald Trump look-alike, Donald J. Dump, has invented new technology to “suck up” ISIS, the terrorist organization currently wreaking havoc in the Middle east.
The vacuum, which Dump has coined as the ISIS VAC, is apparently constructed of used Chinese paper towel rolls and tape bought with Mexican pesos. According to vacuum expert Doctor Seuss, “the mechanism runs on the hot air spewing from the current American political system, which creates a sucking vortex of doom that will, without a doubt, suck up not only ISIS but every terrorist on Earth.”
Dump’s inspiration for the project, though lifting numerous eyebrows among top military officials, has inspired thousands of donors to his cause: “ISIS was created by Hillary and Obama in a vacuum, dammit! We need to suck them back up! What better way than through a vacuum? I drink their milkshake! I suck it up!”
If you would like to donate to the ISIS VAC cause, please visit the following website: Dumpydumpdoodoo.ISISVACDAMMIT.net. Dump will be accepting small loans of no less than $ 1,000,000.