Northwest Suburbs, IL–An area man was relentlessly mocked for visiting a restaurant alone Saturday afternoon, a scene described by the establishment’s owner as “depressing, pathetic.” Leo Harrington, a town resident and marketing coordinator that is “admittedly married to the job,” was stopped at the hostess desk at a local restaurant for attempting to eat alone. Harrington–who has no wife, no kids, no girlfriend to speak of, not even a cat to call his own–was interrogated on his entrance into the establishment, a “place for families and couples,” for his unaccompanied status. “I didn’t know what to think of him,” said head of the waiting staff Leslie Nottingham. “Whether he was going to try and rob us, or if he planned to use our restaurant as the destination of his suicide. Either way, we weren’t having it.” Against Nottingham’s insistence they not serve Harrington, restaurant owner Chubs McGee overruled, allowing the “lonely sad man a table in the back, as isolated from our beloved clientele as possible.” Nevertheless, Harrington’s isolation did not last long, as soon passers-by on the outside sidewalk looking in began pointing, laughing, taking pictures and videos on their cell phones. Fellow customers also began chatting amongst themselves about the “deeply depressing event,” as Harrington soon became the center of conversation with speculations made about his circumstances. “Maybe he’s waiting for his girlfriend.” “Girlfriend? Look at him! He’s probably just here to get out of his miserable apartment!” Soon after, even the waiting staff began ridiculing the poor, lonely man. Reporters confirmed that Harrington was soon seen sobbing into his french onion soup as restaurant customers and staff cackled in amusement.

-TTT