June 4, 2016June 4, 2016 thirstythespian

Engineer commissioned by city to construct bridge anything but civil

June 2, 2016June 2, 2016 thirstythespian

Commuting man loses control of car, dies, after singing Bohemian Rhapsody too passionately

May 30, 2016May 30, 2016 thirstythespian

Area veteran pissed that favorite coffee shop is closed for memorial day, breaks in and makes self a latte

May 29, 2016May 29, 2016 thirstythespian

Steven Spielberg admits “Mr. Bimbo,” the man who lives in his finger, lead him to success

May 28, 2016May 28, 2016 thirstythespian

Family escorted out of graduation ceremony for obnoxiously cheering out of turn

May 27, 2016May 27, 2016 thirstythespian

Survey reveals that 50% of tailgating motorists “wish everyone else would just not exist”

May 24, 2016May 24, 2016 thirstythespian

Overly literal Carrie Underwood fan narrowly escapes car wreck after letting “Jesus take the wheel”

May 23, 2016 thirstythespian

Alcoholic townie frequently attends commencement ceremonies to beat shit out of honors graduates to make self feel better

May 20, 2016May 20, 2016 thirstythespian

Suicidal Florida man lies on tracks awaiting slow-moving Disney train, gets bored, changes mind

May 17, 2016May 17, 2016 thirstythespian

Alejandro González Iñárritu, Leonardo DiCaprio discuss possibility of Hershey deal: Chocolate with bits of real raw bison