“What gives?” said Dan Meloni, purple heart recipient and Vietnam war hero, as he approached the quaint coffee shop off a residential square whose dark windows suggested it was closed. “Closed for Memorial Day. Support our troops!” read a sign taped in the window. “Where the f*ck am I supposed to get a cup of coffee?” Meloni demanded of shrugging passers-by. “I take shrapnel in the ass, and this is how they repay me?!” The disgruntled patron reportedly broke a window with his cane, and climbed into the coffee shop where he proceeded to make himself a latte. “If they’re closing on my account, I’m getting my damn coffee!” the man was heard mumbling before other citizens began calling in requests of their own: “Can I get a medium cappuccino? I’d like an espresso!”

Police were soon on the scene, accompanying the veteran in a cup of coffee and jubilant conversation. “Don’t worry, we’ll get someone to put up a tarp over that window,” said the chief of police, muffled through mouthfuls of jelly doughnut. “No respect for their veterans, taking the day off–the loafers!”

-TTT