May 20, 2016May 20, 2016 thirstythespian

Suicidal Florida man lies on tracks awaiting slow-moving Disney train, gets bored, changes mind

May 17, 2016May 17, 2016 thirstythespian

Alejandro González Iñárritu, Leonardo DiCaprio discuss possibility of Hershey deal: Chocolate with bits of real raw bison

May 13, 2016May 13, 2016 thirstythespian

Bernie Sanders: “Win or lose, I’m going into the chicken business!” Discusses KFC lineage, plans to open “Chicago Fried Chicken”

May 11, 2016May 11, 2016 thirstythespian

Campaign photographer fired for taking overly “artistic, subjective,” lewd photos

May 6, 2016May 6, 2016 thirstythespian

Overly-sentimental college graduate surprisingly refusing to leave town he once loathed

May 5, 2016May 5, 2016 thirstythespian

Trump watches X-Files, claims: “I will build a wall around Earth”

May 5, 2016May 5, 2016 thirstythespian

Local school administrator twiddles thumbs. Receives substantial raise.

May 4, 2016May 4, 2016 thirstythespian

PhD candidate leaves dissertation defense with black eye, bruises

May 4, 2016 thirstythespian

Adam Sandler: “Career a practical joke.” No one believes him

May 3, 2016May 3, 2016 thirstythespian

College graduates mugged, beaten, left for dead in Harry Potter-Themed Knockturn Alley of Walt Disney Wizarding World park