The Thirsty Thespian

May 5, 2016May 5, 2016 thirstythespian

Trump watches X-Files, claims: “I will build a wall around Earth”

May 5, 2016May 5, 2016 thirstythespian

Local school administrator twiddles thumbs. Receives substantial raise.

May 4, 2016May 4, 2016 thirstythespian

PhD candidate leaves dissertation defense with black eye, bruises

May 4, 2016 thirstythespian

Adam Sandler: “Career a practical joke.” No one believes him

May 3, 2016May 3, 2016 thirstythespian

College graduates mugged, beaten, left for dead in Harry Potter-Themed Knockturn Alley of Walt Disney Wizarding World park

May 2, 2016May 2, 2016 thirstythespian

Local man bloodied in roughhousing incident with pool noodle, says friends went “too far”

April 30, 2016April 30, 2016 thirstythespian

Breaking News: Insane man known only as Crazy Dave cites James Franco as his teacher in escaping ideology

April 29, 2016 thirstythespian

In effort of being neighborly, local band makes “special brownies” for newly settled family

April 28, 2016April 28, 2016 thirstythespian

George Clooney announces departure from Clinton biopic for “ideal role” as Uncle Ben

April 27, 2016April 27, 2016 thirstythespian

Adam Sandler cast in new “high art,” nonsensical Paul Thomas Anderson film in hopes of saving actor’s career