Written by Bear, Staff Writer.

After receiving his Oscar for eating raw bison in Alejandro González Iñárritu’s second consecutive directorial Oscar-winning film The Revenant, Leonardo DiCaprio has reportedly begun collaborating with his director on a possible sequel: The Revenent 2: Where Love Lives is in the Woods, which will be a romantic comedy and will expand on the filmmaker’s sometimes bizarre and controversial experimental filmmaking tactics by including super-realist footage of domestic abuse; Leonardo DiCaprio, and the grizzly bear that attacked him, who will be reprising their roles, will push acting into a gripping new frontier: they will explore on camera the extent to which man can love bear.

The couple, who recently moved to the woods to pursue their love, had previously retired from acting before Iñárritu “twisted their arm.” “Your love is raw,” Iñárritu apparently told DiCaprio and Bear. “Let me film it.” The director has written, in collaboration with Adam Sandler, a script for a romantic comedy that he believes will “redefine both romance and comedy, as well as how the two are melded in cinema.” He described Sandler’s previously criticized filmic sensibilities as “misunderstood. He’s a real talent. The jokes in this film,” he went on, “will be complex, not easily understood. They will not be cheap laughs. They will be lovely, dark, and deep.” The director neither confirmed nor denied whether he was intentionally invoking Robert Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” in his final comment.

And to support the upcoming film, the director, in collaboration with Leonardo DiCaprio, has announced a deal with The Hershey Company: The Revenant-themed chocolates. But again the director has struck controversy when the particulars of the chocolates were announced: Hershey will mass-produce bars of chocolate in which chunks of raw bison will be added. “The chocolate doesn’t taste very good,” DiCaprio confirmed. “Kind of off-putting, actually.” But Iñárritu defended his chocolate: “The taste is misunderstood just as a warm dark beer is an acquired taste. The taste is lovely, dark, and deep.”

Hershey Company CEO John P. Bilbrey, who characterized Iñárritu as “weird, a disturbing little fruit,” commented that “the only guarantee I can offer is that the chocolate is likely to provoke any consumer of it to vomit. It’s more of a novelty thing, I think.”  Iñárritu’s plans to collaborate with Hershey have not stopped with chocolate, either. He has already envisioned a “brilliant product for those with a more delicate, exquisite palate: Salted Caramel Bison.”

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In addition to famously moving to woods with partner Leonardo DiCaprio, Bear has made countless appearances on television and in film–too many to list here. Bear is also misunderstood, taking to writing a heart-wrenching autobiographical work that The New York Times called, simply, “Fucking brilliant.” Bear was previously a guest writer for TTT before joining our staff full-time.