Trump watches X-Files, claims: “I will build a wall around Earth”
Local school administrator twiddles thumbs. Receives substantial raise.
PhD candidate leaves dissertation defense with black eye, bruises
Adam Sandler: “Career a practical joke.” No one believes him
College graduates mugged, beaten, left for dead in Harry Potter-Themed Knockturn Alley of Walt Disney Wizarding World park
Local man bloodied in roughhousing incident with pool noodle, says friends went “too far”
Breaking News: Insane man known only as Crazy Dave cites James Franco as his teacher in escaping ideology
In effort of being neighborly, local band makes “special brownies” for newly settled family
