May 6, 2016May 6, 2016 thirstythespian

Overly-sentimental college graduate surprisingly refusing to leave town he once loathed

May 5, 2016May 5, 2016 thirstythespian

Trump watches X-Files, claims: “I will build a wall around Earth”

May 5, 2016May 5, 2016 thirstythespian

Local school administrator twiddles thumbs. Receives substantial raise.

May 4, 2016May 4, 2016 thirstythespian

PhD candidate leaves dissertation defense with black eye, bruises

May 2, 2016May 2, 2016 thirstythespian

Local man bloodied in roughhousing incident with pool noodle, says friends went “too far”

April 30, 2016April 30, 2016 thirstythespian

Breaking News: Insane man known only as Crazy Dave cites James Franco as his teacher in escaping ideology

April 29, 2016 thirstythespian

In effort of being neighborly, local band makes “special brownies” for newly settled family

April 27, 2016April 27, 2016 thirstythespian

Hemingway fan pissed that his “one true sentence” has not been accepted for publication anywhere

April 26, 2016 thirstythespian

Self-proclaimed philosopher ponders about why he can’t pay bills: “But what is a bill?” Forfeits residence

April 22, 2016 thirstythespian

Man worried college degree will ruin his rock n’ roll credibility, that he “threw his life away”