LOS ANGELES–Bob Dylan, who came under fire for plagiarizing parts of a SparkNotes’ review guide of Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick in preparation for his 2016 acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize in Literature, has once again been accused of plagiarism by The Thirsty Thespian’s local news editor, Crazy Dave. Dave claims to have instructed Dylan in the “art of escaping notions,” a graduate level thesis course in which Dylan’s classmates included James Franco (despite Crazy Dave previously citing Franco as his teacher in escaping ideology), Franco’s younger brother Dave, cult filmmaker Tommy Wiseau, as well as Crazy Dave himself. The course, which Dave taught within the halls of a psychiatric ward where Bob Dylan was staying and was the roommate of a recently cogent author Thomas Pynchon, instructed many high-profile celebrities in the art of evading their position as “notionaries,” a word that Dave coined in his upcoming Random House-Penguin joint publication, There Be Notions, and on which Dave centered the coursework of his class. The definition of “notionary,” with Dave’s permission, was taken from the unpublished manuscript and printed below:
That there NOTIONARY, a new term from this here Crazy’s mind – the unideological dictionary!
1. of, pertaining to, characterized by, or the nature of a notion, or sudden, complete, or ideological takeover:
a notionary notionizor be taking over, dammit, the Chinese!
2. radically new or ideological;
a notionary transformation: that there Chinese, a newfound notionizor, be trying to takeover and notionize this here Crazy’s mind, dammit! Escape!
Noun, plural notionaries.
Antinotionary, noun, plural, antinotionaries
antinotionary, be here, this here, Crazy! Escape that there notionary notionariness!
2. ideologicalary, that there!
Dave’s claim is that Bob Dylan’s use of the word “notion” in any context, as well as anyone else’s use of the word, though indirect, can be considered plagiarism of his work, being he is one of the leaders in the field of ideology and its escape; he claims that “all notions be inherently ideological, thus that there use thereof be ideological and a direct portrayal of that there evil: an anti-un-ideologicaler, an ideologicalizor, a notionaizor, dammit! Notionary!”
Despite Bob Dylan’s previous good standing in The Thirsty Thespian’s eyes for his prophetic song foretelling “the rapture,” we have since severed ties with Dylan out of respect of our local editor’s wishes. When asked to comment on his roommate’s acts, Thomas Pynchon, who recently from senility wrote his first readable novel, offered a nonetheless incoherent rant repetitious of his earlier work that TTT editors, out of respect to our readers, believed wasn’t worth tirelessly repeating here.