CHICAGO–A new chain that wishes to compete against Visionworks, the leading provider of eye care services, has leased thousands of retail spaces that are directly adjacent to many of the Visionworks locations all over the United States, in hopes of providing Visionworks’ customers a visible, if self-deprecating, alternative. “Vision Jerks,” inspired by the famous Chicago culinary staple, Ed Debevic’s, which offers the bizarre novelty of terrible service, has begun offering their own disrespectful flair to the field of optometry; though, surprisingly, many customers, perhaps those whose vision is poorest and thus those who are most in need of an updated prescription, enter the buildings mistaking them for the better-known Visionworks’ chain only to find themselves the victims of a public berating they hadn’t prepared for. Describing his experience, one customer said “I walked into the store to receive my prescription that I had called in earlier about, and the guy behind the counter just threw the glasses case at me and said ‘here, take your glasses, asshole!’ It was horrible, so rude. What a jerk!” The accounts of Vision Jerks’ abusive behavior surge. “The staff there do anything but make my vision ‘work.’ If anything, it’s more like they’re vision jerks!” said hard-of-vision Hope Gibson, a customer who had mistaken the chain Vision Jerks for adjacent Visionworks and to which Vision Jerks president Gary Greenberg excitedly proclaimed “that’s exactly the point!”

-TTT.