Tommy Wiseau Dissatisfied with Franco’s “Disaster Artist,” to Remake The Room with Controversial Director

Johnny & Crazy Dave
Famed director, Tommy Wiseau, of cult classic The Room pictured with choice director, Crazy Dave Jonze, of controversial upcoming The Room remake, The Escape Artist.

SAN FRANCISCO–Despite previously offering a positive review of James Franco’s much-anticipated The Disaster Artist, famed director of the 2003 cult classic The Room, Tommy Wiseau, has retracted his former praise of the film, shockingly announcing that he plans to remake his 2003 film in an effort to cast a better light on his directorial choices and significance.

The Disaster Artist, a biographical comedy based on Wiseau’s film (an adaptation of costar Greg Sestero’s book detailing his odd experiences during filming), is attracting considerable buzz from critics, even with some sources contemplating whether the film should be awarded an Oscar. Wiseau originally gave The Disaster Artist a 99.9% score, in which his only complaint about the film was “[poor] lighting, in the beginning,” going on to suggest that “maybe [Franco] should watch The Room, get some lighting pointers!”  Notwithstanding the positive review, Wiseau, revisiting Franco’s film as it approaches public release, insists he is “fed up with this film! [and its positive buzz from critics]” and has revised his scoring to a “0%,” claiming that, in addition to Franco’s “terrible lighting sense,” Franco mishandled the “directorial vision” apparent in the 2003 original, that Franco “betrayed [Wiseau]!”

At a private screening of the film, Wiseau, who was accompanied by The Room costar Juliette Danielle, whom Wiseau refers to exclusively as “Lisa” or “my princess,” showed outrage with Franco’s film, reacting strongly with a sarcastic jab at Franco: “You must be kidding me, aren’t you?” When Franco tried to defend his directorial decisions, Wiseau went on to patronize the successful Hollywood star and self-proclaimed poet: “You must be an expert, James!” Sharply expressing his disdain, Wiseau bellowed: “You are tearing me apart, James!” before, remembering the melodrama that earned his own film’s reputation as the worst film ever made, quickly changing the subject: “Anyway, how is your sex life?” Franco, confused, concluded the night’s showing.

Wiseau, on further analysis of The Disaster Artist, criticized its lacking of the intimate material that made his original film “so sexy, so true,” remarking that his new film must increase the number of sex scenes considerably, in an effort to “truthfully represent man’s carnal nature.” He further implied the possibility of full frontal nudity, while toying with the idea of showing full penetration–an “artful, if taboo, directorial choice not seen in American cinema… I will be a trailblazer! Ha ha ha!”

Admitting to claims that he didn’t in fact direct The Room, finding his acting role as Johnny far too time-consuming, Wiseau has decided that he must find a committed, artful director in order to make his new film a success. And to create this controversial film, Wiseau has chosen an even more controversial director, Dave Jonze (legal name: Crazy Dave), a previously-fired instructor of “escaping ideology” who has also been recently jailed for battering Wendy’s customers. No stranger to Wiseau, Jonze has also previously instructed Franco in the art of escaping ideology, the apparent sole reason for Wiseau’s choosing him. Wiseau, who reportedly posted Jonze’s bail, confirmed that Jonze is in fact his choice as director of The Room remake: “Dave Jonze–that’s my boy. I like him. Ha ha ha!” He went on to say: “I’m so happy I have [Jonze] as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much. Ha ha ha!”

The film, renamed The Escape Artist, and a film for which Jonze claims to have a “pure, un-ideological vision,” has begun principal photography. And it is already sparking critical attention and controversy for its extreme directorial choices. In addition to entertaining Wiseau’s plea for graphic nudity in this upcoming remake–what Jonze refers to as “an escape from the ideological, cinematic bars of Contempt,” just as he escaped prison in order to “escape them there ideological notions of space time continuum”–Jonze plans controversial directorial choices, an attempt at hyper-realism to “free the audience from its inherent ideologies,” in which, most shockingly, Wiseau is to “not act but live the notions therein this here Film, to reach utmost filmic authenticity.” Implying a literal filmed suicide, James Franco expressed concern and has appealed to Wiseau to reconsider, to which Wiseau simply replied: “You’re just a chicken — cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!”

Aside from the graphic nudity and hyper-realist additions, Wiseau has confirmed that the film will essentially be a shot-for-shot remake, an unscathed “masterpiece,” as it was once described by beloved director Terrence Malick.