February 14, 2020 thirstythespian

Local man who’s feeling cute but single planning to watch hardcore porn, violently masturbate on Valentine’s Day

January 7, 2020January 9, 2020 thirstythespian

Local man who is self-employed tells boss to “blow it out your ass!”

October 10, 2019October 10, 2019 thirstythespian

Local exec with new voluminous office eager to fart freely

March 14, 2019March 14, 2019 thirstythespian

Autocorrect Fail: Local Italian chef clearly out of his element at interview for Linguistics job

February 22, 2019 thirstythespian

Phew! Close Call: Local man not zombie, just cannibal

January 22, 2019 thirstythespian

Report: Hogs wild as rowdy bikers cause trouble among Grand Canyon Donkey Caravan

November 30, 2018December 1, 2018 thirstythespian

Highlight of local man’s week hot plate of cheese

November 29, 2018November 29, 2018 thirstythespian

Besides a few hurdles, visiting motorcyclist loving city’s new bike lane, plowing through commute

October 25, 2018October 25, 2018 thirstythespian

After epic bender and unprecedented slumber, comatose man wakes up to cats eating him

October 11, 2018 thirstythespian

Read the Lyrics to Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train” Re-Transposed by Dave Jonze, as They Were Intended to Be Written