CECILE, CHICAGO—A well regarded Italian chef known for his luscious linguine noodles found himself the subject of harsh scrutiny in an interview for a “Linguistics-Generalist” position, showing, according to the hiring manager, little, if any, relevant skills.

Global Information Technologies, LLC, a Chicago-headquartered software company, was reported to have employed faulty application software. This software crudely selected the chef’s resume as “closest match,” amid a pool of unqualified applicants’, after isolating a single skill, “Linguistics,” prominently listed on the culinary czar’s CV. It’s worth noting that other skills included: “Culinary Arts,” “Italian Cuisine,” “Food Preparation,” “Fine Dining Management,” and “Le Cordon Bleu Honors Graduate.” 

“We’re working to correct this error,” Jose Mediatora, a company spokesperson told TTT regarding their hiring practices. Hugh Fumings, the hiring manager, has apparently subjected other candidates–whose applications contain irrelevant tidbits and skills inconsequential to the positions for which they’ve applied–to unrestrained rage. Upon being informed of the software company’s faulty application system in this instance, Fumings issued an apology to the applicant with one small reservation: “That chef wouldn’t know a linguine noodle from a fettuccine! And he ain’t working here, even in our onsite kitchen! Probably would burn the coffee! I ain’t hiring him! That’s final!”

An apparent “auto correct fail,” both parties, to an uninvested party, would appear partly to blame. Salvatore Caprese, formerly the proprietor of the renowned Sal’s Gals & Other Pals, recently entered the job market after his business went bankrupt, likely due to its menu too heavily featuring linguine “and not much else,” in spite of customer protests; utilizing the popular job site ZipRecruiter, Caprese blames its 1-click application as the root of his job search woes. Applying widely to positions via one-click apply, “anything relevant,” he said, he has unwittingly stumbled into government offices and international classrooms for positions ranging from linguist and translator to TESOL teacher.

Salvatore clarified that he cobbled his resume together in a hurry, when he saw an ideal position–a sous-chef at a French bistro. He then took advantage of ZipRecruiter’s option to keep his resume on file and yield positions closely related to keywords used in it, unknowingly letting a typo–“linguistics” in place of “linguine” for specialty–remain. It’s also worth noting that, while Salvatore did secure an interview at the aforementioned French bistro, he was ultimately an unsuccessful interviewee. When requested to make a comment, the hiring manager at the French bistro described Salvatore’s unabridged, meandering oration of his intense “passion for linguine” to be: “off-topic, to say the least; while heartfelt, it contained nothing pertinent to our restaurant’s distinctively French menu.”

A transcript from Salvatore’s earlier interview at Global Information Technologies for the position of “Linguist-Generalist” portrays the tense situation in which Salvatore found himself; if nothing else, it shows he possessed brave candor and made what any guidance counselor would characterize as a commendable attempt to connect his unique skill set to that which the position requires.

Hiring Manger: “What makes you think you’d be successful in this role?”

Salvatore: “I can make one mean linguine!”

–TTT.