Author: thirstythespian
The Thirsty Thespian is a satirical news outlet for film, music, and local events. Our mission is to provide trusted commentary on matters of the mundane and insane, discussion of the latest current events in the big world of entertainment to confirmation of the gossip one hears in small-town coffee shops. Our thousands of staff writers from all corners of the globe, educated at some of the finest journalism schools, are eager to share their poignant criticisms with the clever masses.
Survey reveals that 50% of tailgating motorists “wish everyone else would just not exist”
Overly literal Carrie Underwood fan narrowly escapes car wreck after letting “Jesus take the wheel”
Alcoholic townie frequently attends commencement ceremonies to beat shit out of honors graduates to make self feel better
Suicidal Florida man lies on tracks awaiting slow-moving Disney train, gets bored, changes mind
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Leonardo DiCaprio discuss possibility of Hershey deal: Chocolate with bits of real raw bison
Bernie Sanders: “Win or lose, I’m going into the chicken business!” Discusses KFC lineage, plans to open “Chicago Fried Chicken”
Campaign photographer fired for taking overly “artistic, subjective,” lewd photos
Local maniac doesn’t wait turn at 4-way stop. Manhunt ensues
The Thirsty Thespian 