June 4, 2016June 4, 2016 thirstythespian

Engineer commissioned by city to construct bridge anything but civil

May 30, 2016May 30, 2016 thirstythespian

Area veteran pissed that favorite coffee shop is closed for memorial day, breaks in and makes self a latte

May 28, 2016May 28, 2016 thirstythespian

Family escorted out of graduation ceremony for obnoxiously cheering out of turn

May 27, 2016May 27, 2016 thirstythespian

Survey reveals that 50% of tailgating motorists “wish everyone else would just not exist”

May 24, 2016May 24, 2016 thirstythespian

Overly literal Carrie Underwood fan narrowly escapes car wreck after letting “Jesus take the wheel”

May 23, 2016 thirstythespian

Alcoholic townie frequently attends commencement ceremonies to beat shit out of honors graduates to make self feel better

May 20, 2016May 20, 2016 thirstythespian

Suicidal Florida man lies on tracks awaiting slow-moving Disney train, gets bored, changes mind

May 13, 2016May 13, 2016 thirstythespian

Bernie Sanders: “Win or lose, I’m going into the chicken business!” Discusses KFC lineage, plans to open “Chicago Fried Chicken”

May 11, 2016May 11, 2016 thirstythespian

Campaign photographer fired for taking overly “artistic, subjective,” lewd photos

May 9, 2016May 9, 2016 thirstythespian

Local maniac doesn’t wait turn at 4-way stop. Manhunt ensues