May 3, 2016May 3, 2016 thirstythespian

College graduates mugged, beaten, left for dead in Harry Potter-Themed Knockturn Alley of Walt Disney Wizarding World park

April 30, 2016April 30, 2016 thirstythespian

Breaking News: Insane man known only as Crazy Dave cites James Franco as his teacher in escaping ideology

April 28, 2016April 28, 2016 thirstythespian

George Clooney announces departure from Clinton biopic for “ideal role” as Uncle Ben

April 27, 2016April 27, 2016 thirstythespian

Adam Sandler cast in new “high art,” nonsensical Paul Thomas Anderson film in hopes of saving actor’s career

April 23, 2016April 23, 2016 thirstythespian

Lenny Abrahamson announces next film: “Room 2: The Rise of Denny”

April 21, 2016 thirstythespian

Terrence Malick finally sees Wiseau’s The Room, calls it a “Masterpiece”

April 19, 2016 thirstythespian

Enthusiastic fan mistakes wild man for Leonardo DiCaprio. Is mauled.

April 14, 2016April 14, 2016 thirstythespian

Alejandro González Iñárritu’s new film, The Invisible Man, “too experimental.” Fans and Hollywood outraged by lack of cast.

April 13, 2016April 13, 2016 thirstythespian

“To Catch a Predator” Chris Hansen unwittingly hired to direct Ted Cruz campaign video

April 13, 2016 thirstythespian

A singed, eyebrowless Jon Hamm banished from Hollywood by angry mob. Declared “monster!”