Written by Doc Sanders, Staff Writer.
New York–Texas Republican senator Ted Cruz, who is currently a candidate in the race for the republican nomination for president, in an effort to catch up with Donald Trump in the upcoming New York primary Tuesday, was unwittingly recommended to famed journalist Chris Hansen of the reality show To Catch a Predator to direct his campaign video.
According to Hansen, who invited Cruz to “have a seat over there” in a swanky living room of a New York apartment, he was hired to interrogate Cruz about the likelihood of Cruz’s hiding his true identity as the Zodiac Killer.
While Cruz, on the other hand, insisted he had “no idea what Hansen was getting at,” adding, “I assured him that he was simply hired to direct a 3-minute #neverTrump campaign video,” Hansen’s years of intense interrogation skills, geared at compelling even innocent people to turn on themselves, resulted in a shocking proclamation from Cruz:”Okay, already, I admit it, I’m the zodiac killer!”
While Cruz’s lawyer, who showed up 30 minutes after Cruz’s admission of guilt, insists that Hansen’s coerced confession will not hold up in court, the TV journalist is convinced that Cruz is in fact, without a shadow of doubt, the Zodiac Killer.
By the end of the incident, Hansen admitted that he was recommended to Cruz through a staff member of Donald Trump’s campaign. Gloria Tyler, a 22 year old college journalism major interning for Trump, told reporters that Trump offered his own New York apartment to be used for damning, if fabricated, interview: “Use my apartment,” Donald Trump was reported as telling Tyler. “It’s luxurious, huge!”
Trump also apparently told Tyler that the negative press generated from Hansen’s To Catch a Predator special feature politician episode was meant to coerce Cruz to drop out of the race. “I like Cruz,” Trump reportedly said. “He’s a nice guy. I’d like him to be my running mate.” On being asked whether the damning evidence of Cruz’s guilt as the Zodiac Killer might hurt his own campaign, Trump said, “What are you stupid? I could kill Cruz and eat him before a live audience and not lose any votes or sleep!”
It is worth noting that by the break of this story, Trump has widened his lead over Cruz by 20 percentage points.
Doc Sanders, a former university physics professor who quit to pursue “more pressing matters” is equipped, with a 1.21 gigawatt-powered flux capacitor, to go back in time in order to stop Donald Trump from being born. A distant relative of Bernie Sanders, current candidate running for the democratic nomination for president, Doc has enlisted the support of Matthew Silver, Bernie Sanders’s recently announced running mate, to ensure he accomplishes his ends.