MACOMB, IL – The Thirsty Thespian, Inc., announced Thursday a new streaming service, “Hulu,” aka “Hudat,” to be hosted on the web domain of its primary intellectual property, https://thethirstythespian.com, as well as an innovative, promotional advertising campaign that Ad Age described as “completely original” and “inspired.”
Ad Age, the premier source for marketing and media coverage, had tweeted about The Thirsty Thespian, Inc.’s new ad campaign, “Hu Dat Thur?”, a tweet that had already amassed 1.5 trillion comments, 30 million, retweets, and an astounding 40 gazillion likes, just hours before it had been posted. “The tweet was getting so many likes, our systems nearly went down,” explained head of Twitter’s head of engineering, Aya Bya Jamocha Shake. “We just made up a number that sounded right. It’s getting a lot of buzz.”
The campaign had “absolutely nothing to do” with “Hu Dis?” – a completely separate, “totally uninspired, trash” campaign apparently introducing Canadians to more Hulu content – says Loucasso Bernini, Creative Director of The Thirsty Thespian, Inc.’s advertising division.
“Look, this is America, the land of opportunity,” Bernini told TTT reporters. “I don’t know Hu Dis – frankly, I don’t give a fuck Hu Dis, you see? But Hu Dat? Dat may be someone. Hu dat thur? Dat very well be our very own local news editor, Crazy Dave!”
Bernini explained that The Thirsty Thespian, Inc., has been “trying to get into the streaming game for years,” and although the company is about 20 years behind some of the other big name streamers like Netflix, and “I suppose Disney,” he’s confident that the company’s extensive library of intellectual property, including an “enormous” backlog of advice via its “Crazy Dave’s Crazy Column” as well as cultural criticism, is the ideal contender for creative production for original programming.
Despite the company’s lofty streaming goals, the platform launched with only two titles: a 10-year-old interview with the company’s deranged local news editor, Crazy Dave (which incidentally can be watched on Youtube for free), and a bootleg copy of 2003 American independent romantic drama, The Room, which the company reportedly acquired themselves by recording the footage on a camcorder when the film premiered at a local theater in Los Angeles.
“We have a lot more planned,” Bernini assured TTT, including talk shows hosted by several of the publication’s editors, tentatively titled:
- That Track Slaps™ with Cat Fitzpatrick
- Mise-en-scène™ with Monsieur Montage
- Masculinity and Martial Spirit in Antebellum Frontier Novels: White Masculinity and the Trials of America’s Expansion™ with Matthew Poe, which is apparently a repurposed dissertation, where literary themes will be discussed over a live action ultimate frisbee competition – with winners being disqualified for literary incorrect answers as well as poorly caught or thrown discs
“We’re proud to have a tech company here in Macomb,” said president of Macomb-area regional university Western Illinois University, Dr. Kristi Mindrup. “We’re excited to see the tremendous job growth from a company formed by a few of our very own alumni!” TTT, Inc., confirmed a WIU computer science master’s student had been hired as an intern responsible for building the streaming giant’s complete infrastructure – though the company could not pay the student in money or WIU course credits.
At press time, TTT’s local news editor and regular subject, “Crazy” Dave Jonze, had accepted, on the behalf of TTT, Inc., a 2027 Clio® Gold Award for “Most Original Ad,” for the “Hu Dat Thur?” campaign, apparently beating out Disney+ and Hulu’s “Hu Dis?” campaign by “several thousands of miles,” the judges of the iconic awards program confirmed.
The streaming service, which is already accepting subscription signups for a starting price of $50/month or billed annually at $5,000.00/year, also earned several anticipatory Emmy® awards for its planned programming. The service itself likewise won two anticipatory Stevie® business awards: “Most Logical Business Venture: Apps – Streaming Service” and “Most Innovative Streaming Service”.
You can sign up for a subscription to the innovative new service at: hulu.thethirstythespian.com/signup
“I dun escaped!” Jonze shouted at a crowd of attendees while wielding the trophy wildly at the podium. When later asked about why Disney+ and Hulu didn’t win the coveted golden trophy, Jonze said, “Never! Too ideological!”, before lurching forward and striking a TTT reporter.
-TTT.
