After leaving Twitter, Jack Dorsey looking forward to finally going on tour with his neglected rock band Baroness

Jack Dorsey reportedly the lead singer and rhythm guitarist of heavy metal band, Baroness.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Jack Dorsey, who has been in the information technology sector since the early aughts—having founded microblogging and social media networking company Twitter, and more recently payment processing system company Square—is excited to get back to his musical roots and finally go on tour alongside his neglected band members, critically acclaimed sludge metal music group Baroness.

Pictured above: Former Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey seen playing with critically acclaimed sludge metal band, Baroness, in which he reportedly plays rhythm guitar and serves as the band’s lead singer.

Dorsey has a history of being a bad friend and leaving his collaborators in the cold. For example, he previously ousted Twitter cofounder Noah Glass. Taking credit for a company that was largely Glass’s idea, Dorsey cut Glass out of company plans at a critical time, violated Glass’s trust, and let the troubled programmer waste in obscurity as the company surged in popularity.

The members of Dorsey’s band Baroness, which was formed in 2003 (just 3 years shy of Dorsey pursuing his entrepreneurial dreams of “making boat loads of cash”), expressed similar sentiments of disappointment, detachment, and indifference regarding their cofounder, who reportedly gave them little choice in the decision of his rejoining the group. “Yeah, it’s kind of Jack being Jack,” Baroness drummer Sebastian Thomas remarked. “Forget that it completely displaces John. I mean, come on. We literally found a Jack Dorsey lookalike to replace him, and now Jack is here to say, ‘Get lost, dude. Thanks for all the hard work, sweat, and tears it took to produce 5 albums that are adored by fans and critics. You can leave now. Daddy’s home.’”

Pictured above: Jack Dorsey (right), who previously served as CEO of Twitter, plays alongside Baroness lead guitarist Gina Gleason (left). Dorsey, wearing a sleeveless t-shirt, reveals arms adorned with tattoos that company board members had not previously been made aware of and over which fury erupted among shirt-tucked-in wearing company executives, reportedly expressing disapproval.

Thomas refers to John Dyer Baizley, the lead singer, primary songwriter, and rhythm guitarist of Baroness since 2003, who bears a striking resemblance to Dorsey, and was abruptly fired Wednesday when Dorsey manifested himself in the band’s Savannah, Georgia-based practice studio.  

Pictured above: John Dyer Baizley, the genuine lead singer, primary songwriter, and guitarist of Baroness.

When asked about his sudden return to the heavy metal band Baroness, in which Jack Dorsey is actually the lead singer and rhythm guitarist, Dorsey had this to say:

“I tried the tech thing for a while, and it was fun. I learned a lot. I made a shit load of cash—I’m talking a genuine shit load. But now I’m kind of sick of all the Silicon Valley bullshit. You know, when I was being interrogated in congress a while back about what social media companies mean for society, it made me think back when Dee Snider testified before congress in the 80s. And you know what? It made me think, ‘I wanna rock!’”

-Jack Dorsey, former Twitter and Square CEO and actual lead singer of Baroness

Meanwhile, John Dyer Baizley, Dorsey’s replacement having served as lead singer and rhythm guitarist since 2003, is not as convinced about Dorsey’s intentions. “It kind of makes me think like he just wants to cash in on something when we’re at the top of our game, you know?” Dyer Baizley pondered. “Kind of like Noah. He had a great idea, and Jack swoops in and takes it and pawns it off as his own thing. Anyone who’s worked a 9-5 has probably experienced those kind of asshole coworkers before. Total dick move!”

Dorsey, who left the band to start Twitter in 2006, watched as the band, in his absence, released a string of 5 critically acclaimed albums. While working with the band on material for their debut, The Red Album, before abruptly quitting to “go make bank as a CEO, bitches,” the band released the previously unfinished record with the concluding track, “Grad,” which reportedly was a dig at Dorsey, who left college one semester shy of graduating in 1997.

-TTT.