USA–Cats everywhere are furious. With the current state of COVID-19, plaguing America and dictating that employees work from home to prevent further spread of coronavirus, the nation’s cats have shown their utter disdain for your presence in the apartment which you pay the rent to occupy. Reportedly cramping their style, the nation’s felines do not take kindly to your instructing them not to do what they intend to do. Normally, you’d be at the office from 9-5-. That’s eight blissful, uninterrupted hours for these fur-covered carnivorous mammals to fuck with your shit and wreak havoc on the semblance of orderliness you’ve spent hours to maintain, albeit an inexplicable exercise in futility. At press time, while you were trying to finish drafting an email, your cat angrily shut your laptop screen in an apparent uncharacteristic demand for your attention; this only proving to be a display of empty affection as they dart away indignantly at the first sign of human contact.