Read the Lyrics to Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train” Re-Transposed by Dave Jonze, as They Were Intended to Be Written

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The proposed cover of “Loconotion engine!”, the original, unheard version of Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train,” an apparent collaboration with TTT editor, Crazy Dave.

LOS ANGELES–It should be stated that, while local editor and frequent TTT subject, “Crazy” Dave (Jonze), has attempted to sue Ozzy Osbourne–the content of whose 1980 hit, “Crazy Train,” he believes to have been wrongfully stolen from him, a mischaracterization of Crazy’s own experiences in a penitentiary, where Ozzy was reportedly Dave’s roommate–that the validity of these claims has not yet been ascertained, as, with most of our beloved editor’s allegations, they can be described as highly exaggerated conjecture at best. It’s worth noting that the extent of the legal minutiae, as outlined in its entirety in the considerably brief lawsuit which follows, may be quite telling:  “You yourself stole this here’s identity!!! Notion!”

The initially seemingly tense relationship between Crazy and his former roommate, however, is not so apparent as Crazy’s Spotify account would suggest; for a strong connection with Osbourne’s song can be seen (or rather, heard) on Dave’s recent playlist, titled “All aboard this here Loconotion engine! This here Crazy Dave!”, which he posted on social media earlier today (and “loved”) with the accompanying description: “This here a playlist! So precious to this here, me, myself, Crazy!” and which exclusively features Osbourne’s song, appearing on the playlist a total of 13 consecutive times. The playlist is posted below to be enjoyed by true Ozzy fans.

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Perhaps, if nothing else, we can offer some conjecture of our own, that perhaps a falling out between two former prison inmates and potential musical collaborators left Crazy without due credited authorship on a song he had suggested be called “Loconotion engine!”, a double entendre paying tribute to both mental derangement and his tendency toward “escapist ideology” (a field for which he is the founder) and the “notions (and the ideologies) therein.”

The original lyrics to the aforementioned song, provided by Jonze, “as they were intended, dammit!”, can be enjoyed below.

[Intro]

All aboard! Ne!— (ev-ev-ev-ev-ev-er!)

Crazy, those there notions!

Millions of notions sold as lotion.

Maybe it’s not too late

To preach how to escape and to consume that there hate!

 

[Verse 1]

Evacuated bowels!

Driving me to howl!

 

[Chorus]

I’m going off them there rails, this here Crazy Dave!

I’m going off them there rails, this here Crazy Dave!

 

[Verse 2]

Escape!

They’ve ideologicalized, they’ve notionized

I’ve watched all them there notionize the rules

One person ideologicalized to rule and defecatize

The media sells those there, deep fried notions of Contempt!

 

[Pre-Chorus]

Evacuated bowels still screaming!

Consuming this here soul!

 

[Chorus]

I’m going off them there rails, this here Crazy Dave!

I’m going off them there rails, this here Crazy Dave!

 

[Bridge]

I know those there things go wrong for Edwina Divina

Crazy’s precious mother, raccoon queen!

 

[Notion Solo]

 

[Verse 3]

Hair of the dog’s ass, that’s what’s become!

Escaping notions, tearing out swollen lungs

Crazy, I’ve wrestled a bear

Leonardo’s maiden, anything but fair

 

[Pre-Chorus]

Evacuated bowels still screaming!

Consuming this here soul!

 

[Chorus]

I’m going off them there rails, this here Crazy Dave!

I’m going off them there rails, this here Crazy Dave!

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-TTT

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