Newly hired corporate officer doesn’t know where to fart in hip open office

Chicago, IL–A recently hired corporate officer for a hip new computer startup based in Chicago has begun his prestigious leadership role only to be greeted with a tricky hurdle, as he told reporters Friday that he has “no idea where I’m supposed to fart.” Duck Egleton, former sales manager for a New York pharmaceuticals company, left his post for a fresh opportunity as chief revenue officer for a small 8-employee operation. The cutting-edge company, run almost exclusively by creative, forward-thinking millennials, boasts an open office floor plan with shared work space which is devoid of private office space for executives, like the ones Egleton had become accustomed to at his previous company, where he spent the last 4 years “blissfully enjoying the privilege of being able to fart behind closed doors without running the risk of offending my fellow colleagues and subordinates.” Egleton elaborated:

I know that this job is a great opportunity for me and my family, and yes, I was aware of the office layout when I interviewed back in August, but I guess it hadn’t occurred to me, or I thought, I’ll figure out those smelly details if and when I get there, but now that I’m here, as the hours of the day drudge by, I am becoming increasingly aware of my uncontrollable flatulence, and have absolutely no idea where I’m supposed to let it out… I mean, I’m a CRO, for Christ’s sake. I can’t just let one rip. What would my fellow management, or my subordinates, think?

At press time, Egleton was debating between making a subtle exit to secretly cropdust the hallway or just letting one rip and blaming it on an intern.