Round Lake, IL–A sporadically-dedicated runner who admits, “it’s been a while,” reportedly burned all the energy he’d conserved for an afternoon run on the way over to his running partner’s house–a mere distance of 0.2 miles. “I was excited to hear Jimmy was back in town,” Louis Merrimack told reporters, visibly short of breath. “It’s so exciting to run with such a high-caliber athlete as him.” According to Merrimack, who claims he “used to run 5 miles a day, only about a year ago,” it’s been months since he’s attended to his daily fitness regimen. “I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix and my job is pretty sedentary,” the communications coordinator told Thirsty Thespian reporters. Upon reaching Jimmy Appleton’s place of residence, where they were to depart on a 2.5 mile run, “just a quick jog to get ready for a longer trek later today,” he was greeted by “a prime specimen of human physical fitness.” The sight of his out-of-shape friend was odd to Jimmy Appleton: “He says he used to run 5 miles a day, yet here he is, sweating uncontrollably. And it was a pretty chilly day out.” To Appleton’s dismay, his exhausted friend concluded: “I think I’m going to have to sit this one out, old buddy.”

-TTT.