Hales Corners, WI–“Oh great, look, he’s back again,” frustrated waitress Aimee Johnson jokingly told fellow coworkers upon seeing regular customer Red Turkleton enter a local diner to take his place at his usual booth. Turkleton, a Hales Corners resident and physical education undergraduate student at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, remarked that he likes attending the diner for “the friendly service, the great food, and the fabulous selection of the menu. I just love it here,” said Turkelton, emphasizing, “I just love it here!” After some 3 and a half hours of careful deliberation, among which included considerations like, “Maybe I’ll have the sirloin steak, or the prime rib. I could go for a nice prime piece of meat. I’ve been good–made dean’s list. I earned it!” and “I don’t know, that chili looks delicious, so meaty, and those beans look delectable,” Turkelton finally made up his mind. But on much thought, to the dismay and frustratedly confirmed predictions of staff and restaurant management alike, Turkelton settled on his favorite selection of all: “Oh, you know me, Aimee, I’ll have the usual!” Exclaimed Turkelton to an expressionless, thoroughly annoyed, waitress. Discussion with head chef Benji Goodman sheds some light on Turkelton’s choice: “I don’t get this Turkelton character. All it is, is a measly peanut butter sandwich. The creep could make it up at home. I just don’t understand this chump.” At press time, Turkelton was exaggeratedly groaning and moaning as he took a bite of his peanut butter sandwich: “Mmm, so good,” Turkelton muttered, licking his lips. “I just love it how Benji spreads the peanut butter all the way to the corners of the sandwich. No skimping on the peanut butter with this top chef!”

-TTT.