Oak Park, IL–“He brought it on himself,” Devin Harrison of Oak Park insisted to a room of shocked funeral-goers, reportedly “showing no sympathy” for his brother’s tragic passing. Louis Harrison, 35, died Saturday in a violent car crash after his BMW, at 95, flipped and rolled six times before bursting into flames, the apparent result of a blown tire. “I told him that he needed to check his tire pressure,” the elder Harrison said in a shaky town that was followed by nods of the audience. “Ain’t that the truth!?” cried the brothers’ mother, Clarice. “Goddamn it,” he went on. “Why did he have to be so careless? I told him to get the car checked out if anything sounded wrong–but how would he know? He was helpless behind the wheel of that thing!” At press time, Harrison’s brother invited guests to “come up on stage and share your favorite memory of Devin’s idiocy!”

-TTT