Proudly wielding a microphone stand and worn copy of the boardgame Jumanji, 61-year-old Guns N’ Roses front man Axl Rose led guests of last Friday night get-together into his rumpus room—insisting they call it he “The Jungle”—before soulfully, if puzzlingly, informing partygoers, “We’ve got fun and games!” Rose, who lives alone with no butler, confused long-time friends—among them in attendance GNR lead guitarist Slash, glam rock band Poison lead singer Bret Michaels, and Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee—with the utterance, Lee even suggesting early onset dementia as Rose, unresponsive to his guests’ pleas chanted, “Sha-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n knees, knees / Mwah, I, I wanna watch you bleed!”, before, unprovoked, striking long-time Guns N’ Roses record producer Mike Clink and proceeding to scale a lighting stand bewilderingly in the corner of the room.

Clad in a Harley-Davidson black tee featuring a growling wolf, two silver crucifix chains, and purple aviator-style sunglasses (despite being indoors), Rose then charged at former bandmate Saul “Slash” Hudson while chanting, “Feel my serpentine, / I wanna hear you scream” and audibly moaning loudly before “getting laid out” by Slash. As Rose lay unconscious on the floor, Slash stood above him, forebodingly, with an outstretched fist, before turning to the rest of the partygoers and laughing. “Oh man,” he said to Tommy Lee. “Would you take me back to the Paradise City, where the girls are pretty, already?” to which Lee laughed and said, “Kickstart my heart, man!”, the latter remark which Slash rejected with an emphatic, “No!” 

At press time, Bret Michaels, seemingly justifying Rose’s behavior turned to Slash, shrugging, and reassuring him, “Every rose has its thorn.”