A “Sad Affleck” seeks advice from Adam Sandler about BVS bomb

sadaffleck
“Sad Affleck” cries after Batman v Superman bombs.

Written by Rob Cholo, Staff Writer.

Hollywood, California–Hollywood movie star Ben Affleck is depressed. The prolific actor, who has been in over 40 films, which have been described as “hit or miss,”has also taken to directing with a 2012 political thriller, Argo, which took three Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Film Editing, and Best Writing-Adapted Screenplay, in addition to being nominated for Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Alan Arkin), Best Original Score, Best Sound Mixing, and Best Sound Editing.

But the 43-year old actor said that all of his films are nothing compared to his “intense desire” to portray a movie super hero. In a blog post, the actor described the desire: “It’s been a childhood dream, to be praised for my embodiment of good, protector from evil.”

Yet, Affleck just can’t seem to hack it. His most recent portrayal of Batman in Zack Snyder’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice–a film which was universally hated by fans and critics alike for its “incoherence“–was viewed as part of the film’s failure. Of speaking on Affleck’s performance specifically, renowned acting professor Dr. Greg E. Baas “loathed” Affleck, stating: “Of all the terrible student performances I’ve seen over the years, all are Brando compared to Affleck in this one. His actions are objectionable, reprehensible.”

Baas also characterized Jesse Eisenberg’s performance of Lex Luthor as part of the film’s “horrible missteps,” calling the performance “Drunken, but not funny drunken–the drunk relative you’re embarrassed by, from whom you flee and whose actions you will always repress.” He clarified: “He was drunkenly miscast.”

However, Baas maintains that for all of Snyder’s casting and directorial missteps, Affleck takes the cake.

This is not Affleck’s first failed attempt at portraying a movie superhero, either, having previously starred as Daredevil in the 2003 film by the same name, which was similarly greeted by critics’ distaste. Of Affleck’s performance of Daredevil, Baas commented: “It was a movie during which onlookers wished they themselves were blind to Affleck’s gross transgressions, or blind in his place, so that the blind character Affleck was so abhorrently portraying might be given the sight to realize how bad he is in hopes he might just stop.”

But Affleck “Just doesn’t know what he did wrong,” convinced his portrayal was his “life’s work.” Fellow actor and best friend, Matt Damon, confirmed Affleck took the film’s failure hard, viewing himself, at this point, “without purpose.” Damon, who Affleck couldn’t relate to, having become hugely successful with his Academy Award nominated performance of astronaut Mark Watney in Ridley Scott’s 2015 film adaptation of Andy Weir’s The Martian (a performance, clearly, that was actually good), suggested his friend reach out to Adam Sandler for advice.  

Sandler, who has been in some 50 consecutive “repugnant, tasteless” films, was viewed by Damon as a trustworthy source for film failures. Sandler, according to Damon, told Affleck to keep his chin up, stating: “You just gotta try, try again. Like me, I’m almost certain my next movie is going to tank, as all prior evidence suggests it will tank. But I always think, ‘Hey, this might be the one.’ And when it inevitably isn’t, well, at least I’m obscenely rich.”


Rob Cholo

A film enthusiast, Rob Cholo dabbles in film criticism. Graduating the University of Southern California in the ’80s, he majored in saxophone performance studies, revolutionizing the campus music scene with his super group, Rob Cholo and the Classy Gringos, fusing elements of rap with his warm, smooth jazz. Briefly working for the Daily Trojan during his senior year at USC, he had a column, Rob’s Biffs, known for his harsh, though often poignant, criticisms.

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