Written by Commie Dee, Freelance Writer.
Palm Beach, Florida–Donald Trump, who recently dropped out of the primaries of the presidential race to pursue a “spring fling” with Insane Clown Posse frontmen Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope vowing he was a “Juggalo fo life!”, returns to politics after being kicked off of ICP’s tour bus for being “too clingy.”
Trump returns to the race strong with several rallies that have drawn protests and vigorous defense against protesters by enthusiastic Trump supporters.
Former republican presidential candidate and failed Hewlitt-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina compelled her fellow republicans Tuesday to stand with Trump, the inevitable republican nominee, and fight back against “liberal, commie pinko fag rhetoric” that, most notably, Bernie supporters bring in protest to Trump rallies: “Listen, I don’t necessarily agree with everything that Trump says. But he has a right to speak.” After some thought, she added, “On second thought, I do agree with Trump,” invoking a Nazi salute as she exclaimed, “White power!”
Fiorina, speaking most likely about Trump’s most recent cancellation at the UIC Pavilion in Chicago for looming violence, went on to say, “Trump has a right to free speech just as anyone does.” Noting Trump’s particular brand of deep-seated racism, and the violence his aggressive rhetoric incites, Fiorina added, “It is Donald Trump’s right as an American to facilitate violence.” She clarified, “For Christ’s sake, it’s un-American what these commies stand for, what their picket signs say. Donald Trump has the right to nip all that in the bud, should it cause enough of a disturbance that is. They’re trying to undo all that Trump has worked to build.”
Trump, who recently began playing death metal anthems of such deathcore bands as Whitechapel, Suicide Silence, and Job for a Cowboy at his rallies, has reportedly encouraged his supporters to “mosh” with unwitting protesters. At one of his most recent rallies in Bloomington, Illinois, during which protesters vivaciously called out to “Dump Trump,” Trump implored his protesters to form a “wall of death,” quite literally killing one protester, whose neck snapped after being trampled by a roaring, rushing crowd. Lance Evans, 19, of New Lenox, IL, who self-identified as a “Bernie supporter,” was not pitied for his death in the mosh pit by Trump, who called Lance a “pussy.” He went on: “I’m glad he’s dead. I bet he was a fag, too.”
Fiorina, a former Ted Cruz supporter, drastically transferred her support to Donald Trump after Trump, yet again, swept in the most recent primaries of Florida, Missouri, North Carolina, and Illinois, arguing, “Ted Cruz is too much of a pussy. And his face is repugnant.” She added, with respect to Trump’s Super Tuesday 2 wins, “The people have spoken. Marco Rubio is too much of an establishment pick, and too brown. Ted Cruz, on the other hand, is conservative enough, in theory, but he’s too brown, too. What we need is a powerful white man, a dead one preferably.”
On being asked about John Kasich’s Ohio win, Fiorina only added with laughter: “Who the [censored] is John Kasich?”
Commie Dee is a freelance writer for TTT. She is on staff at The New York Times, where she has earned awards for her shocking, timely exposés.