In effort to prove psychological fortitude, Elliot Stabler legally changes surname to “Stablest”

NEW YORK—A longtime Manhattan Special Victims Unit detective and now Organized Crime Control Bureau Detective, Elliot Stabler, took a stand in the face of an Internal Affairs Bureau investigation into his psychological fitness by legally changing his surname to “Stablest.” 

“Am I affected by the series of fucked up shit I’ve seen over the course of a 35-year career? Listen, my last name was already ‘Stabler.’ That should be a message to these weak-stomached, pansy assed IAB chumps who think I am going to let a few bloody early morning crimes scenes interfere with the BBQ I have planned for lunch. But here we are. I gotta do something big to prove that I’m all right in the head. If ‘Stabler’ won’t do it, then maybe changing my name to ‘Stablest’ will do the trick!” 

At press time, losing his temper, Stablest hurled a chair toward longtime SVU coworker and forensic psychology and psychopathology expert, Dr. George Huang, when asked “How does that make you feel? When they suggest changing your name to ‘Stablest’ suggests you have a problem with authority and are using sardonic humor as a coping mechanism?”

-TTT.