Written by Rob Cholo, Staff Writer.

Grand Rapids, Michigan–Ed Glean, a brought-up jazz guitarist originally from Ann Arbor, Michigan reportedly urinated in his pants before an audience at a sold-out concert at the Covenant Fine Arts Center of Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Glean’s act, Detroit City Music Fusebox, who opened for touring folk rock band and crowd favorite the Mountain Goats, was added to the line-up last minute, themselves on the receiving end of a last minute cancellation of a show that would bring a conclusion to their own Midwest and East coast tour.

Wesley Snape, lead singer of Detroit City Music Fusebox, told reporters he was “excited” about the opportunity for opening for the Mountain Goats: “It was a last minute thing, you know, but it was a great way to round out the tour.”

Appropriately, Detroit City Music Fusebox’s prime influence, Pissed Jeans, would appear to be prophetic of Thursday’s show. According to witnesses, Glean was preparing to use the “little boys’ room” before Snape shuffled him onto the stage insisting it was “show time.” Glean, who appealed to his band member to give him a second to “take a leak,” was sorely shut down by an eager, spot-light obsessed lead singer: “Don’t ruin this for me,” Snape was reported as telling Glean.

Glean, a professional, complied, jumping on stage and quickly tuning before starting the band’s set with a “legendary” riff. Glean, who apparently “figured I could hold it” through their 45-minute set, which was extended by a 25-minute “epic” solo by Glean himself, in moist pants, was sorely mistaken. The guitar god made it about 20 minutes into the band’s set when he realized he wasn’t going to make it. But instead of excusing himself to the restroom, Glean took an unprecedented step for rock and roll: he played through the pain, as it were, urinating down his pant leg as his guitar squealed a solo like nobody’s ever heard before. “I said ‘f*ck it,'” Glean told reporters afterwards, his pants drenched with urine. “This is rock n’ roll, man! People have done worse, and besides, we’re professionals. I’m not about to go throw off a perfectly good set with the fear of a little accident downstairs.”

Seconds into emptying his bladder, Glean recalled, “I realized I was pissing my pants before some 200 people. One hottie in the front row gave me a disgusted look, but I thought, ‘Hey, don’t cry over a little spilt piss. All in a day’s work. This is rock n’ f*cking roll.'”

Glean’s fellow band members were impressed, Broady Everly, the band’s keyboardist, remarking: “We knew Ed was committed to the band. But this is a whole new level. Rock on, dude!” The band’s drummer, Jake Henderson, added that he initially felt shock, when Glean, soloing through his bladder release, turned toward him, mounting one foot on the drum kit while his blue jeans darkened one shade as urine spread down both pant legs. “It took me a second to realize, ‘Shit, Ed’s pissing his pants,’ and then I was like, ‘Hell ya, brother!’ I mean, that’s dedication!”

The band’s frontman, Wesley Snape, sang a different tune, however: “When I found out that Ed wet himself, on stage, on our big night, it was like my worst nightmare had come true. So unprofessional!”Glean, on hearing Snape’s comments, albeit amused, hotly said, “F*ck him. Next time, I’ll aim it at him!”

-RC.

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A film enthusiast, Rob Cholo dabbles in film criticism. Graduating the University of Southern California in the ’80s, he majored in saxophone performance studies, revolutionizing the campus music scene with his super group, Rob Cholo and the Classy Gringos, fusing elements of rap with his warm, smooth jazz. Briefly working for the Daily Trojan during his senior year at USC, he had a column, Rob’s Biffs, known for his harsh, though often poignant, criticisms.